How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

“The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks, I am talking about a new way of life.”
-Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 231
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. [If you want honey, don’t kick the hive over]
A)“ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 5)
B) “By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 6)
*C) “Criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 8)
*****D) “When Mrs. Lincoln and others spoke harshly of the southern people, Lincoln replied: ‘Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.’”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 10)
*****E) “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody”
(Benjamin Franklin, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 14)
F) “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’”
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation. [The big secret in dealing with people]
A) “The deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’”
(Dr. John Dewey, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 19)
B) “ ‘There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loathe to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’
“That is what [Charles] Schwab did. But what do average people do? The exact opposite. If they don’t like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates; if they do like it, they say nothing. As the old couplet says: ‘Once I did it bad and that I ever heard/Twice I did good, but that I heard never.’”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 25)
C) “I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.”
(Charles Schwab, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 5)
*****D) “The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other is universally condemned.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 29)
*****E) “We usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 29)
*****F) Send word to the chef, mention courtesies shown you, make a point to praise others in front of others.
*****G) “Never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy. Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 30)
*****H) “I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
(Old saying, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 31)
I) “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
(Emerson, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 31)
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
A) Talk about what is important to them.
B) “Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.
“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 32-33)
C) “Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’
“That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 35)
D) In talking of a situation where the rent for a hotel lecture—already scheduled—was raised 300%, “Suppose I had done the human, natural thing: suppose I had stormed into his office and said, ‘What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets have been printed and the announcements made? Three hundred percent! Ridiculous! Absurd! I won’t pay it!”
“What would have happened then? An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter—and you know how arguments end. Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 37)
E) “ ‘If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.’
“That is so simple, so obvious . . . yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.”
(Henry Ford, then Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 37)
F) ex. Of parents wanting child to eat healthily ‘mom wants you to eat this and that’ Dad wants you to be a big man. Child doesn’t heed until showed him how it would help HIM (tricycle stolen daily by a bully-can beat him one day!)
Six Ways to Make People Like You
Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people. [Do this and you’ll be welcomed anywhere.]
*****A) “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 54)
B) Theodore Roosevelt inquired, remembered, then called personally about a certain flower that was of interest to the wife of his valet. “Little things like that were so characteristic of him.” Greeted all the White House servants by name.
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 57-58)
C) Make a point to find out people’s birthdays and wish them happy birthday on that day.
*****D) “Say ‘Hello’ in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to [see/talk to] the person.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 61)
Principle 2: Smile
*****A) “The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back [or, I would say, the zits on one’s face and the fat on one’s bones.]”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 66)
“Attitude has more to do with personality, with attractiveness, with getting along with others than does any other attribute. The scripture states that ‘as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7).”
(Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Conversation with Single Adults,” Ensign, Mar 1997, 58)
B) “A smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’ That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are gld to see them.
“A baby’s smile has the same effect.”
*****C) “You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:
‘Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
‘Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already.’
“. . . Abe Lincoln once remarked that ‘most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 70-71)
D) “Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual . . . . Thought is supreme.”
(Elbert Hubbard, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 72)
*****E) “Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. . . . a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless—there is joy in the world.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 73)
Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
A)Get: Complete name, some facts about family, business, opinions—fix all the facts as a mental image. The next time you see them, inquire after the family, business, etc
Technique: “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly. Or, if unusual, “How is it spelled?” Repeat the name during the conversation. Associate the name in his mind with the person’s features, expressions, and general appearance.
*****B) “The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 76-77)
C) “The executive who tells me he can’t remember names is at the same time telling me he can’t remember a significant part of his business and is operating on quicksand. . . . most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 79-80)
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
A) “Listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 85)
B) Be an attentive listener: Lightly comment on what they-use the phrases they used, ask questions, be interested. Don’t interrupt-let them ‘talk themselves out’
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
A) “The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 94)
B) Prepare before talking to them-research some things they have done, prepare questions.
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
A) Ask, “What is there about [this person] that I can honestly admire?” [There is good in everyone—we just have to look for it—concentrate our thoughts on their positives—unnatural but oh so effective]. Mention it to them. They will think about that moment again that day, perhaps constantly, perhaps tell their friends of the experience.
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 99)
*****B) “If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
“Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 100)
C) Use phrases like, “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”—little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 102)
D) “The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 104)
How to Win People Your Way of Thinking
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
*****A) “Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 116)
“If you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect . . . you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 123)
B) “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. . . . What about him? You have made him feel inferior. . . . He will resent.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 117)
*****C) Some suggestions to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument (From Bits and Pieces (Economic Press, Fairfield, NJ)):
Distrust your first instinctive impression
Control
Listen FIRST
Look for areas of agreement [say things like, “I see your point,” “I agree”
Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes [there are always some!]. It will help to disarm your opponents.
Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas. They may be right. Ask “Is there [any] truth or merit in their position?” [And then tell them that later, anything you thought of]
Postpone action.
Ask, “Will [this argument] elevate the estimation good people have of me?”
Remember, an “argument” can be an opportunity [to show humility and charity–remember that the person you are talking to is far more important than any words you can say] “[It is] hard to place a money value on the good will that was saved.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 120-122)
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
A) “If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it. This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: ‘Men must be taught as if you taught them not.’”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 124)
*****B) “There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: ‘I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 125)
*****C) “You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will . . . inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open . . . as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 125)
D) “We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts”
(James Harvey Robinson, as quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 120-122)
E) “Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.”
(Carl Rogers, as quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 120-122)
F) “When another asserted something that I thought [an] error, I deny’d myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I began observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear’d or seem’d to me some difference, etc. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag’d in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I propos’d my opinions procur’d them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevail’d with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right.”
(Benjamin Franklin, as quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 129-130)
G) Technique: Avoid language that implies infallibility. Instead, use ‘I imagine’ or ‘It appears to me at the present.’
-Give, if you must, only low-keyed suggestions, at proper intervals
H) “I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.”
(Katherine Allred, as quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 131)
I) “I judge people by their own principles—not by my own.”
(Martin Luther King, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 120-122) [A good principle for intermediate judging]
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
A) “If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?
“Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say—and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 137)
B) “My eagerness to criticize myself took all the fight out of him.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 138)
*****C) “There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 138)
D) “Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 139)
E) “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 142)
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
A) “’If you come at me with your fists doubled,’ said Woodrow Wilson, ‘I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,’ we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 143)
B) “People don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gently and friendly, ever so gently and ever so friendly.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 145)
C) Convince him first that you are his sincere friend. p.146
D) Techniques: “It will be for [you] to consider.” “This may, perhaps, be worth thinking of.” “You, with your knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of ____”, “I thought you might want to be aware of____”
(Daniel Webster, from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 146, 151)
E) Story of getting the old man’s coat off. Hard wind versus soft sun.
Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
A) “In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep emphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 152)
B) “He who treads softly goes far”
(Chinese Proverb, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 157)
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. [The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints]
A) Let them tell you things first, don’t interrupt. “Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 158)
B) “If you want enemies, excel [do better than] your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel [outdo] you.”
(La Rochefoucauld, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 162)
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. [How to Get Cooperation]
A) Don’t ram things down their throats—make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion.
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 164)
B) Technique: “I will give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 164)
C) Consult them about their wishes and desires. We like to be consulted.
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 165)
D) Don’t care about credit, care about results [and people]
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 168)
E) “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
(Lao-tse, Chinese sage, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 169)
[Example of the artist: unfinished works, “What do you want?” applied his ideas—bought every piece of work: he felt it was HIS because he gave the idea]

Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. [A Formula that will work Wonders for You]
A) “Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
“There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.
“Try honestly to put yourself in his place.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 170)
B) Ask, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 170)
C) “Contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else. Realize then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the same way!”
“Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 170)
D) “Result: A happier life for both because [they] had learned to look at things from [each other’s] point of view—even if the subject was only weeds.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 171)

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
A) “I don’t blame you one iota ____”
B) “Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 177)
C) “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults . . . show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations.”
(Dr. Arthur I. Gates, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 183)
D) “I fully understood how busy he was all week”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 193)

Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives. [An Appeal that Everybody Likes]
A) “All people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 185)
B) “A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: on that sounds good and a real one.[Think politics!]” {so don’t just act based on the said reason, find out the real reason, and start acting based on that}
(J. Pierpont Morgan, As paraphrased by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 185)
C) “You’re a man of your word,” “My mother doesn’t like it,” “You’ve got children yourselves . . . ” Make no claims to be infallible-nor even imply
D) “If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 187)
E) “Assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful and willing and anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct. To put it differently and perhaps more clearly, people are honest and want to discharge their obligations.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 190)
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.
A) “Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship.” [I would say, has to be given the emphasis, or . . . passion that it deserves]
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 191)
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge.
A) “That is what [a person] loves . . . The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes footraces and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 199)

Be a leader:
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

A) “It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 205)
B) Show people you have confidence in them (teller/President’s mechanic)
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
A) “[Change] the word ‘but’ to ‘and.’ We’re really proud of you Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 212)
B) Construction workers—left a mess every day. Without mentioning this, One night cleaned it up herself, next day: commented on how nice it looked.
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
A) Humble yourself and praise the other party
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 218)
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
A) “Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it ofen stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 221)
Principle 5: Let the other person save face
A) Assure/compliment people in front of his colleagues
B) “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
(Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 226)
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. “
A) “Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the person to keep on improving.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 227)
B) “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”
(Jess Lair, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 227)
C) “I can look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise have sharply changed my entire future.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 228)
D) “When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.”
(B. F. Skinner, Paraphrased by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 229)
– “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 232)
E) Children become worse after yelling—and so do the parents.
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 230)
F) “Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not just something the other person may be saying.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 231)
G) “Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 231)

Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
A) “The average person, can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.”
(Samuel Vauclain, As quoted by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 234)
*****B) “Shakespeare said, ‘Assume a virtue, if you have it not.’ And it might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 234)

Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
*****A) “Tell your child, your spouse, or your employees that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique–be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it—and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 239)
B) “I made a big deal out of each card he got right, particularly if he had missed it previously.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 241)
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggested.

Other Principles:
1. “Hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, pg. xxiii)
2. “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion . . .”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 14)
3. “There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think about that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 18)
4. Do things differently, unexpected, so they won’t know how to react (thus avoiding the natural reactions!)
5. “Susceptible to improvement”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 215)
6. “The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks, I am talking about a new way of life.”
(Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p. 231)